Sexual abuse: Conclusion

We’ve spent the last few weeks discussing the different forms of sexual abuse that SA immigrant women experience in their marriages – these include marital rape, control of reproductive rights, and using a sexual ‘other.’ But husbands may not be the only perpetrators; Abraham found that some women were doubly abused by their husbands and by other men. One woman was molested by her brother-in-law, and two other women were sexually harassed by friends that they were staying with upon leaving their abusive marriages. In the latter cases, while the men played the role of ‘protector and confidant,’ they also took advantage of the woman’s vulnerability and lack of outside support.

Many women experience sexual abuse in their marriages and their relationships, of course, but immigrant women are especially vulnerable. As Abraham notes, SA immigrant women look within their own community for assistance when they find themselves in an abusive relationship. This is both for reasons of cultural comfort (although the community has not, until recently, proven willing to face up to the issue of domestic violence) and due to their real or perceived experiences of ethnic and gender discrimination in US society. Abraham suggests that one way to help SA immigrant women who find themselves in sexually abusive relationships is to collect their stories to better understand and address the problem.

[For more information, see: Abraham, M. (2000). Sexual Abuse in South Asian Immigrant Marriages. Violence Against Women, 5(6), 612-618.]

The sexual ‘other’

At the end of the last entry, we briefly mentioned that abusive husbands often have sexual affairs outside of their marriage with the sexual ‘other’ – this is the third kind of sexual abuse (the first two being marital rape and control of reproductive rights). This ‘other’ usually refers to ‘western’ women, who are portrayed as more sexually permissive and accessible than the SA wife. The ‘other’ woman can be a reality, or she can be a threat, which suggests to the wife that if she doesn’t fulfill the husband’s sexual expectations, he will seek his sexual pleasures elsewhere.

Abraham found that in cheating, or threatening to cheat, on their wives, abusive husbands drew on notions of SA sexuality (wherein tradition requires that wives meet their husband’s sexual needs) and Western sexuality (which connoted sexual adventurousness). Several women reported that their husbands made clear their intentions to cheat early in the marriage. One husband flew into a physical rage when his wife accidentally told his mistress that he was married. Another ignored his wife in favor of another woman, leaving her alone and isolated.

One wife described how her husband forced her to watch pornography and then demanded that she perform the same acts that she had seen. This is problematic in two ways – first, of course, there is the rape aspect of this demand; second, generally, pornography objectifies and is demeaning to women. Abraham reviews several studies which suggest that pornography normalizes perceptions of sexual behavior, which makes it harder for women to resist unwanted sexual acts.

There are many consequences to this kind of sexual abuse. Women who were the victim of this kind of abuse felt isolated, abandoned, and a loss of self-esteem Many felt sexually inadequate, and some felt as though they had failed in their role as a wife. Abraham points out that this pits women against the other – the rage that a woman might feel for her philandering husband is now directed against the ‘other woman.’ This kind of sexual competition further degrades women’s self-respect and allows men to remain in sexual control.

[For more information, see: Abraham, M. (2000). Sexual Abuse in South Asian Immigrant Marriages. Violence Against Women, 5(6), 607-612.]