Marital rape

In last week’s blog entry, we discussed the three kinds of sexual abuse that immigrant SA women experience. Let’s focus on the first kind today – marital rape. What are the cultural conditions that lead to this kind of sexual abuse?

Abraham points out that the concept of marital rape in generally absent in SA cultures*. Rinita Mazumdar, a professor who has written about marital rape issues, argues that there are 3 reasons why this is the case – (a) marriage obligates women to fulfill her husband’s needs, irrespective of her own wishes; (b) marriage obligates women to produce children, so she is expected to accept any steps that the husband takes to ensure this outcome; and (c) as a result of marriage, the woman has become her husband’s property, so he is free to treat her as he sees fit. All of these reasons can be, and are, used to justify marital rape.

In SA culture, men are taught to take charge of the sexual interaction. They are socialized to believe that their sexual needs will be met within a marriage, and there is no expectation that women’s needs will be considered or fulfilled. Women, on the other hand, are socialized to fulfill their husband’s desires, even to the detriment of their preferences or desires. They are taught that it is their uncomplaining and undemanding acquiescence that keeps marriages and families together. They are silenced, therefore, by their husbands and by the larger social culture.

Most women have had little experience of sex at the time of marriage; they may only have vague expectations of intimacy based on gauzy ‘suhaag raat’ or honeymoon scenes from the movies. Of the women that Abraham interviewed, 60% reported experiences of marital rape. Often, the sexual abuse began the night of the wedding itself. Men perceived the woman’s quietness or lack of desire for ‘shyness,’ and when the wife said ‘no,’ she was ignored and instead encouraged to ‘open up.’ Furthermore, she was afraid to turn down his advances, in case this aroused the anger of her husband. The women reported little intimacy or closeness with their partner.

Another woman’s experiences suggested that marital rape can also be a punitive mechanism – she reported that she was often raped in retaliation for the fact that she was employed while her husband was not. He appeared to be particularly enraged by her potential access to other suitors, and raped her in order to re-assert sexual control.

In addition to the fear of constant sexual abuse within their marriages, the women were further afraid of enraging their husbands by refusing sex, since they were fearful of calling the police (due to concerns about discrimination) and worried about putting their immigrant status into jeopardy. Essentially, immigrant women who experience sexual abuse within their marriages are doubly entrapped by their traditional culture and by experiences of discrimination in the US.

*Since this article was written, marital rape laws have been passed in Nepal and India.

[For more information, see: Abraham, M. (2000). Sexual Abuse in South Asian Immigrant Marriages. Violence Against Women, 5(6), 598-605.]